you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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