Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
