I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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