Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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