Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
