Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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