My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
