I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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