You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
