hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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