so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
