This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
