I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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