i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
