I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
