Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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