So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
