why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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