sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize