So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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I need you to use more vowels.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize