I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He? As in you personified your dick?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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