wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
