I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
