She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
