You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
