thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
