Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
