thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
