You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
