I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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