$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
