Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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