Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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