how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
