It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
