Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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