barbara walters just said penis...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
