My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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