"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
