Who wears a wallet chain?!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
