If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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