Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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