i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
