So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
