Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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