dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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