it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
