I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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