Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
