my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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