Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
