Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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