Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
