Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Come share oat with me in your robe
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
