last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize