Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
