you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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