Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
