He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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