Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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