Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And then he peed in my hair
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