don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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