Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
