i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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