Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
