If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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