Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
