Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
