Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
