I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
